As I get closer and closer to the day of delivering our second child, I thought I would get a few frustrations off my chest. People can say some of the most ridiculous and offensive things to women during their pregnancy. I’m the type of person who makes a mental note of every time someone says something that really grinds my gears (clearly I don’t hold any grudges).
Over the past 39 weeks, I have made a list of the top 7 thing you should never say to a pregnant woman, unless you are looking to be obliterated by hormone induced rage.
- So you’re having twins, right? Are you sure one is not hiding behind the other?
I’m pretty positive my clinically trained doctor would have informed me if I was having twins as well as the ultrasound technician that I spent 45 minutes of my life with.
When it comes to the second child it’s all about the muscle memory as my doctor put it. So, yes I know I look bigger than normal, but trust me there is only one baby in this womb.
- Oh you’re having another boy?! I’m so sorry…you can always try again for a little girl!
How do I put this? Just because you would be disappointed by not having the opposite sex the second time around, doesn’t mean I’m upset about having another boy. I’m looking at you Harris Teeter Florist. What is the “nuclear family” anyway these days?
My oldest son is a true blessing and has made me realize that being a boy mom is just alright with me! I’m probably more equipped to play Star Wars, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Power Rangers than I am dressing up in princess clothes and plastic high heels. Don’t get me wrong, if we are to be blessed with a little girl later down the road, I will be thrilled. As cliché as it sounds, I just want happy and healthy babies.
- You’re having another one…already? Yes, I am having another baby and yes, it was planned. Please don’t make assumptions about my timeline. There is nothing more frustrating than receiving unwanted judgement. I appreciate you keeping your thoughts to yourself (she said in the politest way possible).
- Don’t you think this will be hard for your son? Gosh, I couldn’t imagine loving another baby! Honestly, of all the things you could say, this is probably the worst. All I do is think about my son and the impact another kid is going to have in his life. I’ve cried more times than I want to, so you bringing this to my attention, does not help the situation or my emotions. Words of encouragement are more than appreciated though!
- Can I rub your belly?
When someone asks me this question or goes straight for the belly rub, I envision myself grabbing their wrist and flipping them over, like in a scene out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. This has never happened, because I have more self control than that, but it would feel rather satisfying.
Please note, that if you are not my husband, two-year-old son, or a close (very close) relative, I would rather you not pet my stomach.
- Oh, you’re naming him that?
No, it was a joke. I’m not naming my son this particular name that my husband and I spoke about in length. That would be ridiculous!
I promise I would have asked for your input if I needed it. I won’t question your selection in names, if you don’t judge mine.
- Are you sure you know what you’ve gotten yourself into?
What does this even mean? I, in no way, believe this is going to be the most perfect transition, but if the universe wants to make it easy, great! I believe I have the right people involved in my daily life to ensure my family unit moves into a family of four with ease.
No, I don’t know exactly what I’ve gotten myself into, but you best believe we are going to get through this triumphantly.
So, the next time you want to make a comment to a pregnant woman – pause, think about what you’re going to say, and decide if it’s best for your safety to keep your mouth shut. I promise you, hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman scorned.